Okay
by nycgrl
Summary: Harry scoffed. Please, Professor. He boldly looked into Remus' eyes then. I'm young, but I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at her. Harry tries to recover from Sirius' death. Eventual RLNT, REVISED Ch4
1. The Sorry Things We Say

Chapter 1

The Sorry Things We Say

Sleep was his escape. His days had become planned around his resting hours. When he slept, he didn't have to remind himself to breathe and no one asked him to.

Harry Potter felt as if he were about to cripple over from the pain in his stomach. He probably seemed like a madman, rushing up the stairs with his arm gripping his middle. The people he passed looked bewildered, but stepped aside without a word.

He just needed to get out as quickly as possible. When he had come down the stairs for breakfast (at Hermione's pleas), everyone was looking at him. They all looked like they were about to speak, and he didn't have the heart to hear their words. So he just turned around and ran.

He stopped in front of the room he shared with Ron, ready to jump right back into the bed he hadn't even made yet. But strangely, at that moment, he felt lonelier than he'd ever been, standing by himself in that dark hallway with that pain in his gut.

Without thinking about it, he ascended the stairs again, this time to the attic. When he reached the landing, he slowly walked toward the attic door, and hesitantly, opened it.

He peered into the room with an uncharacteristic shyness before entering. He closed the door behind him.

Harry sighed cautiously, and looked to the far corner of the attic. "Hi Buckbeak," he said softly at the creature in the corner. Buckbeak cooed in return.

The attic was bathed in midday light. Once a dark and musty place, Sirius had struggled to create the illusion of freedom for his house-arrested hippogriff. Said hippogriff was currently resting in the corner among stacks of hay and blinking lazily.

Harry looked at his feet for a moment before he remembered, and looked up to meet Buckbeak's eyes. He slowly started toward him, keeping eye contact. "I was wondering Buckbeak," he asked softly, "If… you'd mind sharing your room, maybe." He raised his eyebrows hopelessly and couldn't resist smiling at the notion of asking a hippogriff for rooming permission.

Buckbeak seemed to understand his vulnerability. To Harry's surprise, the hippogriff nodded before resting his head on the soft hay again.

Harry grinned and mumbled a "thanks" before walking over and setting himself down on the hay beside Buckbeak. He leaned back against the wall and closed his eyes. The pain wasn't so bad anymore.

He reached up to stroke Buckbeak's furry back and inhaled the smell of sweet hay. Buckbeak opened his eyes and turned his head to stare at him. He had a hard look in his eyes, and almost seemed to be challenging Harry.

Harry, sensing the change in Buckbeak, opened one eye and peered at him. Seeing his look, Harry adjusted his glasses and looked out the window. The light seemed surreally bright, and it obscured any details of the outside world.

"It's nice today," he heard himself whispering without realizing it. He turned back to Buckbeak, and looked at him thoughtfully. Finally, Harry said quietly, "I just… didn't want to be alone."

Buckbeak stared at him for a moment longer, and then seemed to relent. The hippogriff closed his eyes and put his head down again.

The air around them felt still and heavy. Harry closed his eyes too. His strokes on Buckbeak's fur slowed and his head tilted down, until his chin almost touched his chest.

Before he fell asleep, he whispered and Buckbeak grunted in response.

"I don't think it'll ever be okay."

* * *

His sleep was uniform and dreamless. Before him was nothing, yet at the same time, infinity. He could not tell which. And in his sleep, he didn't care to find out. It was peaceful. It left him feeling empty.

He was not sure at what point of his sleep it was, but a voice appeared in the distance. The world was still dark, but it was as if his head was just turned, and right behind him was the whole world. He could hear the voice beckoning to him.

"Harry," it called out. "Harry, wake up."

His eyes shot open. He quickly closed them again from the shock of the bright room. Slowly, he reopened them.

Remus Lupin was crouching in front of him with a look of concern etched into every crevice of his weathered face and bright, young eyes.

"Professor!" Harry said, his voice hoarse from sleep. He cleared his throat. Harry was vaguely embarrassed to be caught like this, but above all, he was unreasonably angry. _How dare he_, was all he could think.

Remus furrowed his eyebrows. "Harry, I've been looking all over for you. It's time for lunch," he said worriedly.

"Well," Harry said, with a hard edge in his voice, "I'm right here." He cleared his throat again, and looked away from his former professor, turning to the window again. Buckbeak, who was still beside him, continued to nap.

"We were all worried when you didn't have breakfast…" Remus continued. He sounded far away to Harry. "I know this time has been tough on you…"

Harry concentrated his eyes on a red spot beyond the window. He wondered what it was. An apple, he considered… a butterfly? Or a kite… A kite, he decided, was a very logical choice.

"Harry!" Lupin shouted, surprising him. "Look at me." Reluctantly, Harry turned to look back at the other man.

"Harry," his voice softened, "If you'd ever like to talk about anything at all, I'm always here." Harry nodded gruffly, wanting very badly to get out of this situation.

Remus reached out and placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "I know what you're going through. It may be difficult to do so, but you have to talk about your feelings. Since Sirius—"

"I'm fine!" Harry interrupted brusquely. "Please, just… I just want to go…" His voice trailed off at the end, and a heavy weight pressed against his throat. He tried to get up.

"Harry," Remus said softly, tipping his head down to try to meet Harry's eyes, "You can't move on if you don't talk about your feelings. Lying to yourself will only make it worse."

Harry muttered bitterly under his breath.

"Excuse me?" said Remus.

"I said," Harry clenched his jaw tightly, "I don't see you following your own advice."

Remus raised an eyebrow. "Harry, I—"

Harry scoffed. "Please, Professor." He boldly looked into Remus' eyes then. "I'm young, but I'm not stupid. I see the way you look at her."

Harry turned away from Remus, and struggled to get up. His legs ached from its prolonged position.

Remus remained crouched, staring at a spot on the wall. He was silent. Harry started to walk away from him when he asked quietly, "How do I look at her?"

At his professor's small, weak voice, Harry almost cried. He sounded like a child who just found out that everything he thought was real was only "make-believe".

Harry swallowed. His mouth was dry. "Like an orphan looking at a family," he said, not turning to look at him. "As if… as if you had nothing, and she could give you everything."

A silence passed between them. In all the time he had known Remus Lupin, Harry had never been more regretful.

"I'm going to lunch," Harry finally mumbled, and left the attic, and his professor crouched in the corner, still staring at the wall.

* * *

AN: I'm trying to put a new angle on R/T. I know it's a slow beginning for them, but there will be more! Please review to tell me what you think! 


	2. Truths and Half Ones

Chapter 2

Truths and Half Ones

"Harry, dear, would you like some more potatoes?"

He looked up at Molly Weasley's unabashedly hopeful face. Harry winced. He realized he had reduced her to being happy at just seeing him at the table with them.

He loved and hated her for that.

"Er," he started, looking down at his own plate of uneaten potatoes. "I don't—"

"Good!" she concluded as she spooned him another helping. She looked up at beamed at him. "It's so good to see you up and about, Harry," she said, smiling widely. Harry could see her deepened crow's feet. He nodded distractedly.

As he absentmindedly picked at his added potatoes, Harry glanced at the stairway. Remus still hadn't come down for lunch. It had been almost twenty minutes (Harry was alternating between the wall clock and the staircase.) Mrs. Weasley had asked him if he'd seen Remus, and he'd replied vaguely, "Oh, I think he's looking for something in his room." That was ten minutes ago.

Harry tapped his foot impatiently. He wanted nothing more than to apologize to Remus, but at the same time, wished he never had to see him again. _What if he never wants to speak to me again?_ His absence distressed Harry.

He glanced across the table at Tonks. She too, was looking at the staircase, and her eyes met his. She opened her mouth, as if about to say something, but shut it. She looked down at her plate, which, Harry noticed, was just as full as his.

Harry hadn't lied in the attic.

Through his seclusion, he had noticed little things between his old Defense Against Dark Arts professor and the young Auror. They were so small that, at the time, he wouldn't even think about them. However, as the weeks passed, he started to piece it together, noticing the little bits more.

How Remus had basically reserved all smiling and laughter for her now. How whenever Tonks walked to her room, she always paused, just for a second, outside of his. How tenderly he touched her wounds after Tonks tripped or slipped or rolled or those things she tends to do. How she brushed the lint she found in his hair, fingering the gray strands, and when he protested, she smiled and said, "I like them."

But most of all… most of all the way they looked at each other. It was something Harry couldn't explain. It was as if it was a relief for them. That they had endured the world so they could look in each other's eyes and know why it was worth it.

They were each other's answer.

It embarrassed Harry to catch them looking at each other in this manner. It was so intimate, so vulnerable. It was seeing something he shouldn't have seen, something he wasn't a part of. He blushed just thinking about it.

"Where is that Remus Lupin?" declared Mrs. Weasley, breaking Harry out of his thoughts. He glanced at his lunch. At this point, his potatoes were no less than mush.

Mrs. Weasley seemed aggravated. "That man really has his own definition of time." She turned to look at the wall clock on the wall behind her.

She turned back to them, shaking her head. "One of you go look for him, eh?" She looked at Ron and Ginny (both to the left of Harry) with stern glares. Both mumbled vague "Eating, Mum"s and sunk into their chairs.

Mrs. Weasley huffed and turned to her right. "Tonks?"

Tonks turned red and dropped her fork. "Er—well, I mean, he's probably—you know—I suppose I could—" Her words became more irrational as she disappeared under the table to retrieve her fork.

"Sorry, everyone," came a clear, unmistakable voice from the doorway. "I was a bit preoccupied."

Tonks, who was under the table getting her fork, bumped her head against the table and cursed mildly.

"Remus!" exclaimed Mrs. Weasley. "Well, it's about time!" She started to pile his clean plate with potatoes. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Remus, who was approaching the table, raised an eyebrow. "What I was looking for?" He glanced at Harry, who looked away. "Yes… it was… shocking, to say the least." He gave Molly a small smile, and sat down in his chair, between her and Tonks.

From the corner of his eyes, Harry looked at Remus. He had noticed Tonks under the table and was helping her up. He held her hand. She smiled. "I really should start paying a fee for you to help me up," she said, as she sat back in her chair.

Remus started to smile, but then, seemed to stop himself. His eyes turned to Harry. Harry didn't look away this time.

"Remus, your potatoes are getting cold," reprimanded Mrs. Weasley, who hadn't noticed the exchange between Remus and Harry.

Remus and Harry both looked down at their plates. When Harry looked back at Remus, he was eating his lunch, as if nothing had happened.

* * *

"Oy, Harry, Ginny and Hermione and I are going to Floo back to the Burrow and play some Quidditch. You up for it?" asked Ron, as Mrs. Weasley cleared the table.

Lunch was over, and Tonks had left to go back to work minutes before. Harry could see that Remus' eyes were still lingering over her seat.

"You fool," whispered Ginny, giving Ron a look, "Of course Harry doesn't want to play!"

Harry almost winced at that comment, but it was difficult to blame her. He had shown no interest in spending time with his friends since he arrived at Grimmauld Place. It was expected by now that he'd just sleep all day.

"Er," Harry started, as he watched Remus walk out the room. "I would, really. Just, not today, alright Ron?" He gave his best friend a small, but sincere smile. "How about… tomorrow?"

Ron looked at him for a moment. Then, he broke out in a huge grin. "Yeah, of course, mate. Tomorrow." He gave Harry a hard pat on the back. He and Ginny walked out the room, as Ron repeated to himself, "tomorrow".

Hermione glanced at the two departing Weasleys, and turned back at Harry. She looked at him for a moment, before throwing her arms around him, giving him a tight hug.

"Hermione…" choked Harry, "You're hurting me!"

Hermione finally let go, smiling widely. "We missed you, Harry." Still smiling, she turned, and ran after Ron and Ginny.

Harry stood by himself in the kitchen doorway for a moment. He wasn't fibbing or anything, not really. They looked so eager, and he'd given them enough grief already. Who knows, maybe he will want to play tomorrow.

He shook his head. His friends had distracted him from what he had to do. Looking up, he ran toward the stairs after Lupin.


	3. The Pauses Say It Best

Chapter 3

The Pauses Say It Best  


He hadn't found Remus in his room. Harry knew he could only be in one other place.

He peered tentatively into the library. His instincts had been right. Remus was sitting in an old armchair, huddled over a book. His brow was furrowed in concentration and his fingers lightly rubbed the worn edge of his patched jacket.

Harry, not completely sure of what he wanted to say, cleared his throat. "Professor?" His voice sounded dry and sandy.

Remus looked up at him. He did not speak for a moment, as if processing Harry's presence. Then, he gave a small smile. "Harry," he said, as he put aside his book and got up, "Is something wrong?"

Harry walked into the room slowly, determined not to seem afraid. He looked at his former professor. "No, not really. I mean…" He paused. "Yes. Something is wrong."

Remus did not speak, but tilted his head inquisitively.

"What I mean is…" Harry took a deep breath and straightened his posture. "That stuff I said to you earlier in the attic." As he started to say "I'm sorry", Remus quickly asserted, "Don't mention it."

Harry, somewhat frustrated, said loudly, "No, professor, I shouldn't have—" Lupin interrupted him. "No, Harry. You had every right to say what you did."

Harry shook his head. "No, but I didn't. It's none of my business whether there's something going on between you and Tonks." He blushed, but continued. "Really, I was just… trying to be an arse."

Remus started to say something, but stopped. He gestured Harry to sit in the opposite armchair. Harry did so, hesitatingly, and Remus sat in his former one. He conjured a pot of tea. "Tea?" he offered Harry. Harry shook his head, no.

After Remus poured himself a cup, and took a slow sip, he turned to look at Harry. He exhaled deeply.

"Harry, I don't want you to think I'm angry at you for anything you said in the attic because everything you said…" Lupin looked shamelessly in Harry's eyes, "is true."

Neither spoke. Harry did not know how to respond. He had not expected the aging professor to… well, profess all this to him. Denial, he was preparing himself for, excuses.

He had never talked about love before, or relationships, or all those people who wander around with glittering eyes. He had no idea what to say.

The silence had lasted a painfully long time. Lupin did not seem to mind it, but Harry did.

"Well," Harry started, "Well. That's alright," he said, as if reassuring the other man. He gave Remus a small smile, and a helpless shrug.

Remus seemed amused. "Oh really, then?" he said, with humor in his voice. "As I always say, better 'alright' than 'okay' or 'acceptable'. He gave Harry a grin.

Harry burst out laughing, realizing the ridiculousness of his statement. Remus soon joined him, and the two of them just laughed, gasping, nonsensical laughs.

Their laughter started to die down, and Harry took off his glasses to wipe the tears that had formed in his eyes. His stomach still hurt from laughing; a different kind of pain from the one that regularly resides in his stomach.

"I haven't seen you laugh in a while, Professor," he said, as he put his glasses back on.

Remus refilled his tea and raised his eyebrows. "I could say the same about you, Harry."

Harry grew quiet. He had spent weeks avoiding the subject he knew was coming. He thought he could sleep it off, lie it off. Just subdued himself day after day until he didn't even notice that weight in his stomach anymore.

It wasn't something he could explain, something he was doing consciously. Part of him liked it, because it brought everyone down with him, he knew. But really, most of him knew that if he stopped the naps and the lies… well, he would just break down.

And really, what bugged him about the whole thing, besides the stares, was that he couldn't imagine when the he could stop trying to "sleep it off". No one who's seen him in this condition would believe it, but every night, he goes to bed hoping that tomorrow would be different. When he wakes up, it is always the same. So he's in his own vicious cycle. He's too afraid to change anything, but nothing will change for him. He's afraid he won't have a future now.

Harry finally said softly, "That's right."

Lupin looked at him from the corners of his eyes. "Want to talk about it?"

"Yes," he said, "but I can't. I don't think… I know how."

Remus nodded beside him. "How are you, to start?"

"How am I?" Harry found the scope of the question incredible. "A lot of things. Confused. Which makes me frustrated. Empty, a lot. Hopeless." He swallowed the lump that had formed in his throat. This was the first time he had talked about Sirius' death. It was incredibly terrifying and relieving at the same time.

"You're not alone. A lot of us feel that way, I feel that way—"

"No," Harry interrupted forcefully. "No," he said again, "you don't understand. Nothing has made sense since… since he died. I just don't see… I don't understand _why_. He's gone, and there was no good reason for that." He could feel tears sliding down his cheeks. "I'm the reason." He started to grip the armrests of his chair so hard that he thought he could rip the upholstery right off. "And I'm not worth it. _This_ isn't worth it."

"Harry," Remus said urgently, getting out of his seat. He grabbed Harry's shoulders. Harry tried to avoid his eyes but couldn't.

"Listen to me," he whispered, "You're not the reason Sirius died—"

He had heard this before too many times. Harry, who had never realized he felt these things, realized now as they poured out of his mouth.

"_Stop_, Lupin," he said bitterly, "You're just going to say that he died because he was doing his job, that he did it because he loved me. Well, that's my fault too. I asked too much of him."

Remus had not flinched at Harry's contemptuous tone. His grip on Harry loosened but his stern gaze on him didn't. "Love is not too much to ask for," he said softly.

Harry froze, but he didn't know why. He felt like he had encountered this moment in his dream, but that couldn't be, because he no longer dreamt. Then, he realized what it meant.

For the first time since Sirius died, he knew what he had to do. For the first time, he _knew_ tomorrow would be different. And when he realized, he started to grin like crazy.

"Then tell her."

Remus blinked, unsure about what caused Harry's mood change. "What are you talking about?"

"Tonks," Harry stated, as if it were as clear as day. "You must tell Tonks you love her."

Remus let go of Harry completely, looking incredulously at him. "But I—"

"But you do."

Remus seemed overwhelmed. First, he stared at Harry, and then turned away, staring at the wall in deep concentration. Then, he simply got up and sat back into his armchair, refilling his teacup.

After he finally sipped his tea quietly in consideration, he turned to Harry.

"I can't," Remus said solemnly.

"Why not?" Harry could tell he sounded ridiculously frantic, on the verge of whining. But he had such a strong feeling about this, and he wasn't about to give up on Lupin now.

Remus sighed, closing his eyes and massaging the bridge of his nose. For the first time since he started talking to Harry, he seemed weary of him.

"She's… not like me, Harry. She's… happy and she doesn't feel that way about me. I have no place telling her… my feelings." He sounded as if he had made this argument thousands of times before. Each pause seemed practiced, but it didn't feel any less lonely.

Harry took a deep breath. "Professor," he started slowly, deliberately, "What I said in the attic this morning… I didn't just mean you. You're one of the most intelligent men I know and I can't believe you haven't realized by now." He looked at Remus earnestly.

"Realized?"

"She gives you the same look as you give her."

Remus seemed surprised and then enthralled by Harry's words. But that only lasted a moment. But then he shook his head, as if shaking himself out of a dream.

"She couldn't—it doesn't mean…" He turned away from Harry, and acted as if he were speaking to himself now. "I can't," he repeated, "It's impossible… it's hopeless."

Harry jumped up from his seat and Remus turned to him with a start. "It can't be impossible—it has to be possible. Look… Sirius is gone. That's the cruelest, most unfair thing that could've happened. But you… Professor Lupin, you've got this great gift and you can't just let that go without even trying. No one knows more about loneliness than me—" Remus started to protest, but Harry held up his hand. "And I know that it's an especially lonely world without love. And I know that if by some lucky chance, you find someone you love… you take that chance."

Remus didn't say anything, and Harry couldn't tell what he was feeling.

After a long silence, he added softly, "Please. I need something to believe in."

Remus looked at him, his elbow propped up on his chair and his hand obscuring his mouth. He seemed amazed by what he saw.

"Harry," he started, morosely. Harry flinched, afraid of his next words.

"When did you get so smart?" he finished, giving him a slight smile.

Harry gave a short, bark-like laugh. It reminded him of Sirius. "Always was," he said lightheartedly. "Hey," he added, tentatively, "If she says no… well, she'd be a real fool."

Remus nodded with a smile. "That's what I'm telling myself." He seemed lost in his own thoughts again, probably on how to approach Tonks, Harry speculated.

Sensing Remus' need for some time alone, Harry started toward the door quietly. Remus' voice stopped him.

"Harry?" he said. Harry turned around. "Thank you."

Harry gave a slight nod. "Just go be happy, Professor."

Remus gave a small laugh. Harry turned back, and continued walking toward the door. As he was about to exit, he heard Remus Lupin's voice again.

"Your parents and Sirius would be so proud."

Harry tried to blink the tears out of his eyes. "Thank you," he whispered, and left the professor to his thoughts.

* * *

AN: This is probably my quickest in-between chapters update ever, but I felt so guilty leaving everyone hanging for months after the first chapter. Thank you to everyone who didn't use that against me and still read and kindly reviewed the second chapter. (PS. Do the same for this one, please!) My goal is to get the next (and last) chapter up before HBP comes out, so be on the lookout! 

And by the way, the line "It can't be impossible—it must be possible" is from the HBO film The Girl in the Café. I just liked it and put it in.

Review!


	4. A Different Sort of Word

Chapter 4

A Different Sort of Word (REVISED)

Harry Potter has never been a patient person, and he couldn't have been asked to be in a situation such as this one. Not that anyone knew what was going to happen, giving Harry the profound feeling that he was a part of a secret joy.

He did not seek out Remus again after the library, preferring to stay in the room he shared with Ron to think. He had been just looking out the window for hours, enjoying the light breeze that came through. For the first time in weeks, he noticed that it was a beautiful day.

Harry wasn't sure himself about all the things he said in the library, and what he was expecting to happen because it seemed as if all those feelings were coming from a part of him he didn't recognize. He tried to sort it out, making the best of it that he could as he looked out the window.

He knew that when Sirius died, his life seemed much less than it had been. He knew that part had left him forever. He knew he wanted nothing more than to feel whole again, to know again the love that he had previously thought was lost forever.

And when the world seemed bleaker than it ever had, he discovered that life never really takes anything away. That's when he discovered Remus and Tonks, and that's when he discovered he wasn't the only one who needed something to believe in.

It made a sense to him that he didn't think he could explain to anyone else. Something is lost only to be found again. Everything changes, yet more than ever it stays the same. And he finds that love is everywhere you look, and more than ever, everyone needs to look. Then he finds them, and he finds something to believe in again.

Nothing had ever been simpler in Harry Potter's life.

As he began to smile brazenly to himself, he heard a call from downstairs.

"Dinner!" Molly's unmistakable voice called from downstairs. Harry stood, walking toward the door. This was also the first time in weeks that he didn't dread a meal.

Leaping through the door out of his room (the energy in him seemed limitless now), he accidentally crashed into the passerby outside his bedroom.

"Harry, Harry, I'm so sorry!" he heard from his painful position on the floor. He slowly opened his eyes to find Tonks shaking his limbs. He groaned as Tonks gave his right leg a particularly hard yank.

She let go. "Sorry! I didn't mean for it to hurt, I just wanted to make sure everything was in working order..." Harry would've rather she hadn't, but he just shook his head (and trying not to wince at the pain) and gave her his most convincing smile.

"I'm fine really," he said, starting to get up. "And that was my fault, I wasn't looking--"

She didn't seem to be listening though, but looking at the things scattered on the floor and gave a heavy sigh. Among the things, Harry spotted a toothbrush, a set of robes and some slippers.

"Tonks?"

She turned to him, and seemed to have just discovered he was there. "Oh, sorry, Harry," she said, turning away from him again, "I'm just such a mess."

Harry rigorously shook his head, No, and started to pick up her things. "What are all these things for, Tonks?" She gave him an appreciative smile and slowly stood up.

"I'll have to stay over at Grimmauld for a few nights because of an assignment. Just thought I'd bring a few things from home and get comfy."

Harry handed her an armful of her belongings, which she took gratefully. "You sure you're okay?" He was about to respond, but she continued talking. "Things have just been so... hectic lately, and my grace has really suffered. More than before, if you'd believe it," she finished, giving him a sour smile.

Harry didn't know what to say, and just nodded a bit.

"Thanks, Harry," she said, starting to walk away. "You're a lifesaver!"

She was almost to the stairs to the upper landing when he called out to her, his voice croaking a bit, to his embarrassment.

She turned, looking at him expectantly, and shifting the weight of her load.

He wasn't sure what he wanted to tell her, but finally said, "Things will get better."

She smiled, "Never knew you to be such an optimist."

He smiled back, genuinely. "Actually, I have it on good authority."

She stared at him as if trying to figure out what he was getting at. After a moment, she just laughed and nodded to herself, calling out "Thanks" again as her footsteps faded up the stairs.

* * *

To his disappointment, Remus seemed to be acting as he normally did during dinner. It didn't seem that he had confronted Tonks yet. Harry grew worried, as he laid in the dark thinking about dinner. He could hear Ron snoring from his bed.

He truly hoped Remus hadn't lost the courage to talk to Tonks. Throughout dinner, Harry had almost wanted to kick Remus in the shin for holding back. Tonks, oblivious as always, didn't notice the urging glares that Harry was sending Remus. The two continued their light conversations and clandestine smiles, Remus mostly ignoring Harry.

However, as Harry grumpily left from dinner, Remus had muttered to him, "It's worth the wait," and winked. Harry, who had been surprised, looked at him, but Remus had already gone back to clearing the table.

Harry speculated it must've been two in the morning, yet he was still wide-awake and restless. The whole room seemed to vibrate, from the stark moonlight, from Ron's snores. Sighing, he got up slowly, putting his glasses on. He decided to go for a glass of water in the kitchen because he certainly wasn't accomplishing anything in bed.

Opening the creaky door slowly, he made his way soundlessly downstairs. As he approached it, he was surprised to hear voices and see light coming from the kitchen. He almost jumped from surprise when he heard a loud clanging coming from it.

Quietly, he peeked into the lit room. He held his breath when he saw that Remus and Tonks standing by the stove. An old teakettle lay on the floor, steaming water pooling around it. Tonks was crouched on the ground, trying desperately to mop up the water with a kitchen towel, all the while apologizing profusely. Remus, who was crouched too, telling her it was okay and begging her to stop cleaning finally took hold of her hands.

"Tonks," he said gently, "It's okay." Tonks back was to Harry, so he couldn't see her expression, but could see that she eventually nodded, and slowly got up and seated herself at the kitchen table.

"Sorry," she whispered again at Remus. He smiled, and muttered a drying charm, as he picked up the fallen kettle. "I've pulverized any chance of tea," she continued glumly, looking at Remus.

Remus brought the kettle over the table, taking a seat opposite Tonks. "Actually," he said with a grin, "I believe there's still enough here for two cups." He poured it into their waiting cups and set the kettle to the side.

Remus said something that Harry didn't quite catch, and Tonks laughed, her entire body shaking, as it did when she laughed. She quieted and a silence fell over the room. They sipped their respective teas distractedly. Each waited for the other to say something, not to fill the silence, but to fill their hearts. This was the silence that accompanied their every encounter, every exchange, and every look.

It was clear to Harry that they had been here for a while, and this wasn't the first time they had been here like this. Their easy laughter and lingering glances enlivened the morbidity of Number 12. They filled the kitchen with a different warmth than the offending teakettle had.

He felt that sense of embarrassment again, the sense he was seeing something he wasn't supposed to be seeing. He started to turn away and head back to his room, but he couldn't bring himself too. He found that he was uncontrollably drawn to the two figures in the kitchen. So he stayed, quietly by the doorway, hoping for a glimpse of Merlin-knows-what.

The silence lasted a few more minutes. Harry felt the desire to tap his foot impatiently when Remus cleared his throat.

Remus was playing nervously with the handle of his teacup and Harry had never seen his former professor display such uncertainty.

"Tonks," he started, "I…"

"Yes?" she said softly, leaning forward eagerly.

"Well, I…" Remus swallowed hard. "You see, this past year has been… difficult."

Tonks nodded, her full attention on Remus.

"I mean… with everything going on," he continued, with a sort of bolstered confidence, "It's enough to destroy a man's spirit. The War… Sirius… sometimes, it feels that there's nothing left for me."

"Oh, Remus," Tonks exclaimed, quickly covering his hands with hers, "That's not true."

Remus smiled, and squeezed her hands. "Well… getting to that." He absentmindedly started rubbing his thumbs over Tonks' hands, and Harry could tell Tonks noticed because she began blushing furiously.

"This past year… I don't know how I could've survived without… you." Tonks stared at him, unblinking. "Not in the sense of survival," he continued, "But in being able to get out of bed every morning just knowing… you're there."

"Remus, I—" she started to say, breathlessly, but Remus stopped her.

"Just a second—I need to tell you before you say anything." A sort of urgency that wasn't present before came into Remus' voice. "I don't even know when it started. When everything became different. And you… you're like a dream I never allowed myself to have. I know you probably don't feel the same way, and I don't want you to if you don't," Remus reached the point of babbling, "But I need you to know. Tonks, I—"

Spastically, Tonks moved her elbow and her teacup crashed loudly on the floor. She jumped in surprise, retracting her hands from Remus'.

"Oh, shit," she shouted. "Oh, Remus, I'm so sorry if I ruined the moment if there was a moment, but please, please, finish what you were say—"

And unexpectedly, to the surprise of the other occupant of the room, and the non-occupant, Remus walked over to Tonks and pressed his lips against hers. Tonks, whose eyes were wide open in shock, slowly closed them, and brought her hands to Remus' face.

Harry's hand was clasped over his mouth as he turned away from the kissing couple. Behind his hand, he was grinning wildly.

The two finally separated. Remus looked sheepish, and Tonks dazed.

A moment of silence followed, before Tonks, tremblingly, said, "What… you were saying?"

Remus brought his forehead down to touch Tonks lightly. "I love you," he said softly.

"Oh," she responded, "Yeah, that's what I thought you were saying." She broke out into a huge grin. "If it had taken you any longer, Lupin, I think I would've killed someone."

Harry, still grinning, hurried back up the stairs and could still hear the fading laughter from the kitchen. He quickly opened his bedroom door, and got into bed. Laughing quietly, Harry turned to his side and closed his eyes.

Things were going to be okay.

FIN 

AN: I considered doing the Harry/Tonks part when I first wrote this chapter, but for some reason, deviated from it. It's been bothering me for a month now how it doesn't exist, so I revised the chapter. Hope you guys enjoyed it :)


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